the joys and pains of it all..

a dear colleague was lamenting at work today.. saying that another colleague might be pregnant just after getting married in June.

Such is life right?

I told her not to worry as she is still young and still have time to try. Unlike me, whose biological clock is slipping away mercilessly.

most people take 6 months to a year before they conceive. some are luckier and the one-shot-one-kill type.

i started trying after my practicum was over in April 07, got the happy news at the 2nd attempt, lost it 2 months later at 30 June. Since then its been another rollar coaster ride.

Here's a brief summary of it (yes, i do make small notes on the calendar)

After the 1st m/c:
Jul 07 - Rested
Aug 07 - Rested
Sep 07 - Tried (5 days late)
Oct 07 - Tried (6 days late! major false alarm)
Nov 07 - Rested (got pissed)
Dec 07 - Semi-tried (DH got piles, so he needed the rest too)
Jan 08 - Semi-tried (DH taken away for reservist)
Feb 08 - Semi-tried (very tired and busy due to the start of the new term)

After the 2nd m/c
Mar 08 - Tried (happiness.... 2nd BFP... only to lose it again 5 days later)
Apr 08 - Rested
May 08 - Tried
Jun 08 - Tried (caught the big O but still failed)
Jul 08 - Semi-tried (both sick, couldnt detect the big O)
Aug 08 - Tried (caught the big O but still failed)


When I say we "tried", it means actively testing for ovulation using tests strips and trying to time it within the precious "time frame" to let the precious seed be fertilised. after all, the seed only lives for a day or two and so does his soldiers. chances of conception is only about 25% even with the right conditions.

When I say we "semi-tried", its when we are not so conscious of the timing and letting things fall naturally, still within the estimated "peak hours".

When I say we "rest", we really do rest. It means just enjoying each other's company and nothing more.

Alot of ladies were sharing that they conceived the minute they quit their hectic and stressful jobs.. unfortunately I do not have the luxury for that. Who wouldnt want to be stress-free? I still have the bills to pay and years left of bond to serve. I cannot just walk away from it all although thats really what I want.

Some happier news:

maternity leave is now 4 months.
bigger baby bonus
more infant/childcare leave

I would have missed that if beecube had been a success. My beecube would have been about 6 months old now...

no offense to anyone.. but i was just wondering which is the worst..

1) to try without any good news... facing the possiblity of the worst fears of infertility...
2) to try and conceived but fail to carry to full term.. once.. and multiple times..
3) to have conceived and delivered the first time.. and subsequently miscarriage....

there are heaps of ladies griefing over the loss of the 2nd one... but in my heart.. i'm thinking.. at least you know you have a properly functioning body and have successully conceived before.. so take heart...

i guess there is really no "worst" scenarios... ultimately.. its how we put things into perspective and everyone deals with grief differently..

AF just started Mon, 18 Aug.. given my usual 28 day cycle.. the peak is in 14 days time.. which will coincide with my term break. that will be good since we'll be more relaxed... but there's no guarantee since we've also had our "relaxed Dec 07 and June 08"....

*hang in there*